Taking Backroads Home

by Errol Hem

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released April 19, 2013

2013 Utopiugly Productions
All sounds made by Eric except where noted

Guitar on "Back Alley Contortion" & "Dusty Trail Distortion" by Steve Findley
Additional guitar on "Cement Forestation" & "Stick to the Side Roads" by Chris Murphy
Drums on "Black Cat Blues" by Steve Maule
Banjo, Guitar & Bass on "Chemtrailmix" by Sam "Gubblebum" Huyten
Trumpet on "Dusty Trail Distortion" by Keaton Huber




Errol Hem East Moline, Illinois

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Track Name: Back Alley Contortion
I used to look up to the sky and know what happens when we die
Track Name: Cement Forestation
Beneath the rails, seeking failure's foe, the grail and such
I needed to bail but I feel like a snail leaving a trail of gunk
Inhaling junk into these paper lungs daily
Speak with a razor tongue when sharing the labors of love plainly
Numbed and brainfreezed as daydreams clatter
Pander procession to illusions of a stage and screen grandeur
Angsty chatter bashing mainstream clamor
Scattered words and crazy banter flow in lake stream manner
Just keep completing chapters, repeating patterns and hoofing it on butchered streets traveled by countless seekers of sugared bliss
Put in the mix of a crooked pit of rot and rust polished up, painted gold, drained and sold and bought to fuck
Awestruck at the way the light show nights glow, but cautious of the high-hope blindfolded dice rolls
The right throw could heighten total goal attainment
In this plagued arrangement, sage advice from ghosts is overrated
Go behold the vacancies and fading dreams of labor leeches so related in motivation to chase the same procedures
Praise and allegiance to the slave machine that takes the pieces made to reach sustainment
Placing strain upon the facial features
Retaining secrets and lessons
Keep progressing in heart and action
Reflect the love and practice the art of passion
Discard attachment to possessions that possess the spirit
Accept that fear exists and won't announce a guest appearance
Respect your peers and the experiences shared
Repair what you damage and manage a myriad of cares
Especially those outside of the self
Find a desire to help others compared to lighting fire to felt
The kind that's held like elephant memories
Bettering the world
I hope I can shed this extra baggage and be ready to learn
Let it burn everything, word to 1871
This life is cycles of rising after the setting of suns

This loss and gain, it's all the same
In the way that they relate to a ball and chain
Gnawing away till the haunting's caught and contained and harnessed to water the garden with flaws and positive change
We are the autumn rain falling along the fray
Putting the tower on display for some hollow praise
Within the arms of a stranger, we could feel harmed, endangered, possibly safe or even amazingly exonerated but...

We're pollenated to fall in place under obligation to autonomated congregations consolidated on top of a shoddy base founded on common hatreds, bonded through domination and moderating of populations
Cooperating on complications to operations brought to aid the honest patrons lost in fallen places
It's written in the constellations
Stars await the day we all awaken
Radiating through the stretches of the universe
But human worth is often viewed as dirt
Brushed aside
Strewn along the gutters
Citing skewed concern and ruptured pride
Customize the culture clashes
Extract a colored fraction
Back the track to stubborn past examples of repulsive madness
Regurgitated like stomach acid
Banding a plan of action for banishing detractors of upper-classness
If they disrupt the pattern, mask it with something lavish
A comfy bandage
That, or an utter fucking detachment

Sleep well beneath a deep dream-driven spell
Keep the self
Each has seen an individual heaven and hell
And you'll never break that shell until the swelling goes down
From within before outward
(We are products of our entitlements)
So chase the dream you won't awaken from
Underneath a wool visor, eyes so tired and tried from all the vines that must be climbed
Till that view gets skewed and lost in the mix of the tune you've gotten used to
A crossover hit to the chin, but grin
Put trust in the wind
Let it lead
Keep stumbling and continuing again (and again) until the end of this
(Keep the cycle in rotation, but)
Keep those dreams close
Packed together in the pockets of that tote you carry home and away

Take time to see the other side of the lines you've drawn
Track Name: Technicolor Dream Tote feat. Bodi
A new dawn, new day will display who's gone and who stayed
(Cue pain)
A new star to chase, farscape aim
Now move on through the grey space

A new dawn, new day for the circuitry
Open them eyes and draw the curtain back with uncertainty
A crafted urgency for arbitrary burdens served to weigh us down where we can hardly carry purpose
I'm fairly nervous when I peek at the piece
Weak in the femurs
Trying to speak to the beast and see through the secrets
With a leashed grip tugging and tightening
Seek to summon something from inside the rubble to guide me
But when the thunder and lightening strike, a twice seems likely
Hiding inside vices and pipe dreams nightly
Widescreen eyes gleaming
The high-beams blind me
Why do I keep taking these sights-seen lightly?
Too busy trying to write these wrongs and rights
A dude dizzy in the icy palms of life
I grew shifty thinking it might be all alright
Choose and move swiftly in a fight with the laws of flight
A lot of bite for the bark they keep chopping down
Everything's priced in this skyland if trying not to drown
But drop the crown, maybe we can simply give it all
Live with the flaws
Signal-calling through this risky business

Give me a minute just so I can find my breath
While I live it lonely, don't mind my steps
In an instant, I could resign my quest and rest forever
But it's a long road to walk and it stops at a dead end
Caught a glimpse of god when I made death my best friend
When I learned to walk is when I grew to embrace fear
Smile through the scars and I don't mind to taste tears
We're always further on than we think
Floating on the hope down the river till we sink
Baptized by the holy water
Hold me father
Then we wonder why so many drown inside the drink
It's all jokes until we choke on our own sob story
Lost glory on a climb to the thrown
Grind till the bones turn to fossils for a V-6
Singing out the creed of the apostles for a cheap fix
Make believe or believe we make a work of art with the help of others though it's solo at the start
But that's how we leave it when it's time to push dandelions
Start as Pangea
Let our faults make us islands

Stuff your sorrows and your dreams in a pack
Sling that thing up on your back and carry it home
Stuff your sorrows and your dreams in a pack
Sling that thing up on your back and carry it away
Track Name: Grid Systematic
Analytical arrangements veining a frame
A cyclical display of charades, creation and trade
Deja vu mazes each day
Landscapes laid out with stone and slate, scraping the angels' stage
Aging foundations flaked with decay
Veiled and replaced with the same arrays
Keep playing in the game in the name of gain
Retrace steps laid by the dream-drained lead legs of the restrained head-cases before
(Pushing forward and foraging for a little more)
Freeze-framed endgames set the score
(Better sort into the system they envision for)
Eat, pray, let's wait, but death's in store
(Any second could deliver war, bring the storm)
Keep straight, tread safe though these streets may bend, break or end they lead a legion of eager creatures who seek
(Salvation, fame, you name it)
Be discrete when you leave the sheep to be freed
(Such a break would disgrace what's sacred)
Sweet relief is a deep duct but it needs to free up space

Cremate rerun traits that lead astray the feet once placed at tree trunk pace beneath the sun's gaze
Mundane but just love-stained enough to unchain and jump the lane
Among shame, unsung pain becomes great and drums up blame
But from flames, what may rise could apply the divine right of flight to the inside devices trying to climb back to the light
Pass by human-types exuding plight
We choose to fight, consuming time
Reuse the felt tip till it dries then just dip it into somebody's ink
It's all one within the grid
(Take it)
But if it isn't fruitful or suitable, get rid of it quick

No coexistence would be complete without its savages ravaging the labyrinth with tragedies and damages
Rationing contaminants to manufacture servitude
Attach to each establishment a hazard mask and workin' boots
Ambulantic service routes blocked by all the merchantry
Hand the man some worthless loot to qualify emergency
Panoramic surface views quantify the worker bees and show the great divides among us

How can we retain the seeds that keep us here waiting separately?
Track Name: Black Cat Blues
Still together we exist in this cyclical imprisonment
In between division and deliverance
Not fit to live in the provided sanctuary
Divided, declining, fighting and finding adversaries
In spite of that, we carry on, buried in shared strain at various levels
Wearing loss
Bearing with (un)fair trades and hair-raised moments
Scared and afraid to show it
Hide it behind embarrassment, arrogance or a range of emotions favoring faux bliss
Labor for devotions
We are strangers in motion displaying quotients in a failing tailored maze eroded
Trying to reclaim the notion of hope enough to hold it close and relay it to those whose trails are broken
We sail the same ocean, just from different coordinates
Setting course, prepping to swim if ever the oars should split
Detours and shifts will leave us torn, ripped and contorted
The importance lies in mending and focusing through distortions
Fortune is relative to the energies presented and collected
We're meant to redirect and seek affection, acceptance, perspective, progression and peace
Defeat will peek its head but still the pendulum proceeds
We'll bend and bleed and pick up the pieces of crippled dreams and incentives lent from simple achievements that we perceive as extra-necessarily special-attention-worthy
Like when my friend was lost, I thought forever, in torrential flurries
I spent some worried nights searching for resolution
Hours of endless scouring followed by tense seclusion
Dense and reclusive
Inanimate object abusive
The shoe fits right through this padded wall that's so obtrusive

And since I've been known to lose shit, my mind could be on that huge list
'Cause half the conversations I carry are useless and not even with a human

I've been passing beneath streetlights that flicker and then cut to black when I'm in their direct path

And I can't help but wonder "What does that mean?"
Could it be foreshadowing another sad scene?
With handhelds to summon the luster of bad dreams and capture the emotion so masterfully
Naturally, atrophy latches to the living to bring it to an end to bring it back to new beginnings
An absolute infinity fractioned into divinity
But I can't seem to fully understand the all and plan for me
We're all family in this existence
Taxed with a sense of that 'handle your business'
It's not enough to be animalistic
Damage inflict for intangible interests
Each a candle with lit wicks burning
The wax melts down, keeps the instincts working
Twisting, turning
In search of the answers
Within I'm reverting to adolescent spin drifts
The skin shrinks when I sink and submerge
Brain chain-linked to the brink of disturbed
Remaining chipper trying to sing with the birds but I just can't figure out the words
Listen and learn
At least try to harmonize keys
The melodies could help to start to find meaning
A far cry from the hardline feeling of leaving the heart to a dark side's lead
Fly free
Skies might be vast but they're packed with turbulence and rough patches
Just imagine the path and prepare
I'll see you on another side, maybe at the sun's collapse
What's that?
Scratching and crying out?
Is this all an example of what the mind allows?
I'll find out
Eye to the viewfinder
Have you been here all along?

'Cause I think that I can see you
If I could just widen this peephole enough to reach through
Feel around to see if I'm deceived by a dreamed truth
Eager to escape
Must break through this slate to make sure
I swear that I did see you
If I can just widen this peephole enough to reach though
Maybe I can squeeze and meet you there if you need me to
And we can find or make a way out of this place before the gates come crashing down under the weight of this black cloud drapery
If we don't act fast, we could be trapped and bound, achingly, under glass house safety
Cracked, now breaking and placing locks on the outer so how can I break you out?
I know that I did see you
So I will just widen this peephole enough to reach through
We'll follow the scenic route, viewing each season's bloom
Free to move in peace at a rational pace upon the path that we've been placed
Track Name: Where the Vile Things Are feat. Milky Way (Produced by Milky Way)
Back to the base, where I'm usually viewed as a strange dipshit
The place I used to wear my wolf suit and make mischief
'Which cliff to hang from' decisions were driven by bulletproof-debated interests related to youthful instincts
A smack to the face and a pin prick
Reminders of a hazardous past
After the fact, I relate it to growth spurts that hold worth as I'm molding these basic bridges
Revisiting old relationships
Facing a former sickness

- Touched by a sense of fate but faith wouldn't wait for me because I chose to escape the doubt and all the make believe
Separating interests to make sense of the missions assigned along the timeline that acted as a way to pull me through each and every possible place to let the length of a wave stretch bright to the brain in some sort of palpation -

And don't forget porcelain breaks quick

Distorted durations of disordered arrangements of portable vagrants supported by contorted behaviors
Forming a basis of normal, deranged, informal exchanges that remain engrained in the corner of my mortal container

- Spent too many of the minutes being bored with the brainwork
A time when it was thought that a spark couldn't make flame bursts
Accustomed to the temperatures sheltered at the freezing point
An ice block as a ceiling cap
Trapped until I saw the choice -

And so I tossed a couple coins
Voiced a couple wishes regarding losses and voids

Joy is a tough thing to find with closed hearts
Rejoin and pluck the strings to revive an old spark
Time's a flowchart designed to slow arc
Narratively inherent in the eyes of a lone shark
Gliding for home
Still declining to throw darts
Hiding inside a cold, dark, private, enclosed part of an Earth bend
Trying to decide if flight is a broke art
And where the dirt ends and the side of the road starts
Piles of cold hard facts and boneyards to show our devotion to the past we go far from but live through
Numb the issue of postcard-ripped fingertips, split to scarred tissue
Discard the misused parts within you that intrude on growth and focus in regards to given proof
The art of living true is often neglected
Get caught in false procession followed up with awkward confessions
But as long as you're able to keep a solid, honest connection to what surrounds, you can harvest some of that offered perspective

- Never measured the only pull until pushed to a present state in which a statement gets the cold shoulder
When the warmth will not be built without sticks
To stand still
Move sand
Construct a castle with the water that's not there
Life disappears far from behind horizons of dotted lines that are cut to connect what doesn't fit
So it gets fabricated like lessons with no guilt
Feet on the Earth
Ego upon stilts -

I used to spit with my tongue to the wind, singing let the wild rumpus begin
Participating for the love of the sin, screaming let the vile rumpus begin
There's no use trying to tell it to a young, dumb kid who wants to keep the wild rumpus jumping
I wanted to cover up the trouble within, so I kept the vile rumpus thumping
Got stuck feeling sunk in the binge until I brought the wild rumpus to an end
Take it on the chin, expand the humble under my skin while I build up something to defend
Track Name: Déjà Viewpoint (Produced by Trybz)
New blend to an old twist along a relative fray
Loose ends tied to a home stitch that still extends this way
Settle back into the nesting place
Benefaction and a selfless grace
Unending thanks and praise and attempts to repay someday, some way
Young, dumb, elevated age
Try to negate the anguish slanged over decades
The whole endgame seems like a joke
So I'll hold those closest to me and keep some hope
Before I go hit the old dusty trail, I must prevail this rusty nail in the heel
Set straight dented past debts and mistakes
Generate steps fashioned with the flames of an everyday-spent passion for the chase
Renovate steadfast in-the-head space
Demonstrate faith in a fate that's made through a regular basis of changes and lessons kept from in the flesh to the veins to the center of the brain
Intending to stay, but with plans to escape
First, mend the abrasions left from before when the path was first strayed
Misdirection can give correction to detours
You can never really be sure if you're on the right path or caught in sidetracks
Just becoming the creature that exists on the inside, scraping
Aging, changing
Still chasing daydreams
So selfish
Helpless childlike tendencies rest in a boyhood grasp
Stretched to the point of a snap out of that funk 'cause here comes full collapse
Intending to leave, but this pendulum speeds up and gives pressure to keep up with the tree-trunk-chop feet clunk reruns
Clean cut means nothing when you're stuck in a landfill at a stand still
Falling faster than an anvil
Mannequin stance with some hand-in-the-slit ventriloquists' handles
How to cancel connection to that and still survive in this plexus
This and that repeated
Cycles reflected
And I'd like to find the exit
Out the side door
Let the chest arch
Get a little fresh air for a fresh start
Catch a breath and prepare for the next march into the darkness
Set to reflect heart
(Each step is the benchmark)
Track Name: Stick to the Side Roads
A dense spark can animate and hand out fate
So plans we make are subject to change in ways that we would never have anticipated or prepared to face
The embrace of the give and take fits all shapes
It builds up just to break and repeat again

Roads stretch from sight
Home left behind
No exit signs to show which steps to climb

A dense spark can exacerbate, aggravate and channel hate or the love that we chase, embrace, negate or choose not to participate in for sake of saving face
The embrace of the give and take shifts its weight and lifts just as it has tossed away

A dense spark can incinerate, extinguish flames, then spin the blades back around to beginning stages
Be fulfilled or else eviscerated
Decisions wait
The embrace of the give and take digs the slate to carve what's been done in the empty space

Dirt and leaves displayed
Perfectly arranged
Shades of peace and hope
They will lead you home

Post up
Track Name: Chemtrailmix (Co-Produced by Gubblebum)
I used to look up to the sky and know what it means to rely on hope in where to find a home for invited souls of those who side with peace
Now it's drones flown and chemical release
Aluminum seed spread for keep in check purposes
Beneath flesh, the sheep sleep deep in debt
Emerging from the take-a-number generated slumber
Placing faith in grace and wonder
Capable of saving one another
Still we wait to discover if hate can be erased from the fates of our brothers
Can they recover from the instilled madness?
Skin peeled back trying to kill off the sadness
We're just backwards
Lost in the energy
Gathering enemies
Existing as the centerpiece
Familiar destinies repenting and repeating
A sea of cretins endlessly competing
Feeding a sense of sweet relief to mask the sensory depletion
Keeping a legion of believers bleeding needlessly for entities deceiving
But maybe soon eventually receiving an awakened self
Empathy and sympathy revealing
Apathy receding, leaving peace to be dispersed throughout the scenery
Believe, it can be easily reversed
We need to be concerned with furthering our advancement to merge into the infinite
'Cause we are all of that which is

Is there a chance that we could reach sight of it all?
Help each other climb to the other side of the wall
And in spite of the fall, feel risen
Until then, invisible bars keep us in real prisons
Concealed differences mirror the significance
As fear and ignorance steer us to deep indifference
Feeding on the innocence
Keeping us belligerently militant
In fulfillment of our inner shifts
We can be limitless, toes to fingertips
A pin-prick-divisible molecular collision can make an incision to our existence
Absorbing elements near it
So we need to form intelligent spirits
Educated in the way of enlightenment
To finally find a means of awakening self and heighten it
Escape from hell's vice grip
'Cause heaven is the realization that we are one with one another and with everything as energy

Shining as bright as the light of the sun over your eyelids
And though third-eye-blinded, we can still open the soul and know total alignment

I used to look up at the sky and know what happens when we die

But now I hardly can see up into the troposphere
It's hard to look for answers when you're waiting for the smog to clear

I used to gaze up at the stars and pray to save this damaged heart

But now I look at them and know they are inside of me
What a sight to be divided evenly through light and peace

I'd like to understand this all, but life don't pitch underhanded balls

You gotta focus and swing when it feels right
Devote to owning delight if you're hoping to free your mind's sight

I hope to grow into my part
My home is sewn into my heart

So when it's time to leave I'll know it's been a vital piece of life as I have seen it and will see it till I find peace/completion
Track Name: Dusty Trail Distortion
Lost in the melody
Finding harmony
Head with the clouds, but the feet keep following

The view from this paved purgatory is skewed
I guess I'll take this side road aimed at the sunset