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Taking Backroads Home

by Errol Hem

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1.
I used to look up to the sky and know what happens when we die
2.
Beneath the rails, seeking failure's foe, the grail and such I needed to bail but I feel like a snail leaving a trail of gunk Inhaling junk into these paper lungs daily Speak with a razor tongue when sharing the labors of love plainly Numbed and brainfreezed as daydreams clatter Pander procession to illusions of a stage and screen grandeur Angsty chatter bashing mainstream clamor Scattered words and crazy banter flow in lake stream manner Just keep completing chapters, repeating patterns and hoofing it on butchered streets traveled by countless seekers of sugared bliss Put in the mix of a crooked pit of rot and rust polished up, painted gold, drained and sold and bought to fuck Awestruck at the way the light show nights glow, but cautious of the high-hope blindfolded dice rolls The right throw could heighten total goal attainment In this plagued arrangement, sage advice from ghosts is overrated Go behold the vacancies and fading dreams of labor leeches so related in motivation to chase the same procedures Praise and allegiance to the slave machine that takes the pieces made to reach sustainment Placing strain upon the facial features Retaining secrets and lessons Keep progressing in heart and action Reflect the love and practice the art of passion Discard attachment to possessions that possess the spirit Accept that fear exists and won't announce a guest appearance Respect your peers and the experiences shared Repair what you damage and manage a myriad of cares Especially those outside of the self Find a desire to help others compared to lighting fire to felt The kind that's held like elephant memories Bettering the world I hope I can shed this extra baggage and be ready to learn Let it burn everything, word to 1871 This life is cycles of rising after the setting of suns This loss and gain, it's all the same In the way that they relate to a ball and chain Gnawing away till the haunting's caught and contained and harnessed to water the garden with flaws and positive change We are the autumn rain falling along the fray Putting the tower on display for some hollow praise Within the arms of a stranger, we could feel harmed, endangered, possibly safe or even amazingly exonerated but... We're pollenated to fall in place under obligation to autonomated congregations consolidated on top of a shoddy base founded on common hatreds, bonded through domination and moderating of populations Cooperating on complications to operations brought to aid the honest patrons lost in fallen places It's written in the constellations Stars await the day we all awaken Radiating through the stretches of the universe But human worth is often viewed as dirt Brushed aside Strewn along the gutters Citing skewed concern and ruptured pride Customize the culture clashes Extract a colored fraction Back the track to stubborn past examples of repulsive madness Regurgitated like stomach acid Banding a plan of action for banishing detractors of upper-classness If they disrupt the pattern, mask it with something lavish A comfy bandage That, or an utter fucking detachment Sleep well beneath a deep dream-driven spell Keep the self Each has seen an individual heaven and hell And you'll never break that shell until the swelling goes down From within before outward (We are products of our entitlements) So chase the dream you won't awaken from Underneath a wool visor, eyes so tired and tried from all the vines that must be climbed Till that view gets skewed and lost in the mix of the tune you've gotten used to A crossover hit to the chin, but grin Put trust in the wind Let it lead Keep stumbling and continuing again (and again) until the end of this (Keep the cycle in rotation, but) Keep those dreams close Packed together in the pockets of that tote you carry home and away Take time to see the other side of the lines you've drawn
3.
A new dawn, new day will display who's gone and who stayed (Cue pain) A new star to chase, farscape aim Now move on through the grey space A new dawn, new day for the circuitry Open them eyes and draw the curtain back with uncertainty A crafted urgency for arbitrary burdens served to weigh us down where we can hardly carry purpose I'm fairly nervous when I peek at the piece Weak in the femurs Trying to speak to the beast and see through the secrets With a leashed grip tugging and tightening Seek to summon something from inside the rubble to guide me But when the thunder and lightening strike, a twice seems likely Hiding inside vices and pipe dreams nightly Widescreen eyes gleaming The high-beams blind me Why do I keep taking these sights-seen lightly? Too busy trying to write these wrongs and rights A dude dizzy in the icy palms of life I grew shifty thinking it might be all alright Choose and move swiftly in a fight with the laws of flight A lot of bite for the bark they keep chopping down Everything's priced in this skyland if trying not to drown But drop the crown, maybe we can simply give it all Live with the flaws Signal-calling through this risky business (Bodi) Give me a minute just so I can find my breath While I live it lonely, don't mind my steps In an instant, I could resign my quest and rest forever But it's a long road to walk and it stops at a dead end Caught a glimpse of god when I made death my best friend When I learned to walk is when I grew to embrace fear Smile through the scars and I don't mind to taste tears We're always further on than we think Floating on the hope down the river till we sink Capsized Baptized by the holy water Hold me father Then we wonder why so many drown inside the drink Wink It's all jokes until we choke on our own sob story Lost glory on a climb to the thrown Grind till the bones turn to fossils for a V-6 Singing out the creed of the apostles for a cheap fix Make believe or believe we make a work of art with the help of others though it's solo at the start But that's how we leave it when it's time to push dandelions Start as Pangea Let our faults make us islands Stuff your sorrows and your dreams in a pack Sling that thing up on your back and carry it home Stuff your sorrows and your dreams in a pack Sling that thing up on your back and carry it away
4.
Analytical arrangements veining a frame A cyclical display of charades, creation and trade Deja vu mazes each day Landscapes laid out with stone and slate, scraping the angels' stage Aging foundations flaked with decay Veiled and replaced with the same arrays Keep playing in the game in the name of gain Retrace steps laid by the dream-drained lead legs of the restrained head-cases before (Pushing forward and foraging for a little more) Freeze-framed endgames set the score (Better sort into the system they envision for) Eat, pray, let's wait, but death's in store (Any second could deliver war, bring the storm) Keep straight, tread safe though these streets may bend, break or end they lead a legion of eager creatures who seek (Salvation, fame, you name it) Be discrete when you leave the sheep to be freed (Such a break would disgrace what's sacred) Sweet relief is a deep duct but it needs to free up space Cremate rerun traits that lead astray the feet once placed at tree trunk pace beneath the sun's gaze Mundane but just love-stained enough to unchain and jump the lane Among shame, unsung pain becomes great and drums up blame But from flames, what may rise could apply the divine right of flight to the inside devices trying to climb back to the light Pass by human-types exuding plight (Helplessness) We choose to fight, consuming time (Self-inflict) Reuse the felt tip till it dries then just dip it into somebody's ink It's all one within the grid (Take it) But if it isn't fruitful or suitable, get rid of it quick (Facelift) No coexistence would be complete without its savages ravaging the labyrinth with tragedies and damages Rationing contaminants to manufacture servitude Attach to each establishment a hazard mask and workin' boots Ambulantic service routes blocked by all the merchantry Hand the man some worthless loot to qualify emergency Panoramic surface views quantify the worker bees and show the great divides among us How can we retain the seeds that keep us here waiting separately?
5.
Still together we exist in this cyclical imprisonment In between division and deliverance Not fit to live in the provided sanctuary Divided, declining, fighting and finding adversaries In spite of that, we carry on, buried in shared strain at various levels Wearing loss Bearing with (un)fair trades and hair-raised moments Scared and afraid to show it Hide it behind embarrassment, arrogance or a range of emotions favoring faux bliss Labor for devotions We are strangers in motion displaying quotients in a failing tailored maze eroded Trying to reclaim the notion of hope enough to hold it close and relay it to those whose trails are broken We sail the same ocean, just from different coordinates Setting course, prepping to swim if ever the oars should split Detours and shifts will leave us torn, ripped and contorted The importance lies in mending and focusing through distortions Fortune is relative to the energies presented and collected We're meant to redirect and seek affection, acceptance, perspective, progression and peace Defeat will peek its head but still the pendulum proceeds We'll bend and bleed and pick up the pieces of crippled dreams and incentives lent from simple achievements that we perceive as extra-necessarily special-attention-worthy Like when my friend was lost, I thought forever, in torrential flurries I spent some worried nights searching for resolution Hours of endless scouring followed by tense seclusion Dense and reclusive Inanimate object abusive The shoe fits right through this padded wall that's so obtrusive And since I've been known to lose shit, my mind could be on that huge list 'Cause half the conversations I carry are useless and not even with a human I've been passing beneath streetlights that flicker and then cut to black when I'm in their direct path And I can't help but wonder "What does that mean?" Could it be foreshadowing another sad scene? With handhelds to summon the luster of bad dreams and capture the emotion so masterfully Naturally, atrophy latches to the living to bring it to an end to bring it back to new beginnings An absolute infinity fractioned into divinity But I can't seem to fully understand the all and plan for me We're all family in this existence Taxed with a sense of that 'handle your business' It's not enough to be animalistic Damage inflict for intangible interests Each a candle with lit wicks burning The wax melts down, keeps the instincts working Twisting, turning In search of the answers Within I'm reverting to adolescent spin drifts The skin shrinks when I sink and submerge Brain chain-linked to the brink of disturbed Remaining chipper trying to sing with the birds but I just can't figure out the words Listen and learn At least try to harmonize keys The melodies could help to start to find meaning A far cry from the hardline feeling of leaving the heart to a dark side's lead Fly free Skies might be vast but they're packed with turbulence and rough patches Just imagine the path and prepare I'll see you on another side, maybe at the sun's collapse What's that? Scratching and crying out? Is this all an example of what the mind allows? I'll find out Eye to the viewfinder Have you been here all along? 'Cause I think that I can see you If I could just widen this peephole enough to reach through Feel around to see if I'm deceived by a dreamed truth Eager to escape Must break through this slate to make sure I swear that I did see you If I can just widen this peephole enough to reach though Maybe I can squeeze and meet you there if you need me to And we can find or make a way out of this place before the gates come crashing down under the weight of this black cloud drapery If we don't act fast, we could be trapped and bound, achingly, under glass house safety Cracked, now breaking and placing locks on the outer so how can I break you out? I know that I did see you So I will just widen this peephole enough to reach through We'll follow the scenic route, viewing each season's bloom Free to move in peace at a rational pace upon the path that we've been placed
6.
Back to the base, where I'm usually viewed as a strange dipshit The place I used to wear my wolf suit and make mischief 'Which cliff to hang from' decisions were driven by bulletproof-debated interests related to youthful instincts A smack to the face and a pin prick Reminders of a hazardous past After the fact, I relate it to growth spurts that hold worth as I'm molding these basic bridges Revisiting old relationships Facing a former sickness (Milky) - Touched by a sense of fate but faith wouldn't wait for me because I chose to escape the doubt and all the make believe Separating interests to make sense of the missions assigned along the timeline that acted as a way to pull me through each and every possible place to let the length of a wave stretch bright to the brain in some sort of palpation - And don't forget porcelain breaks quick Distorted durations of disordered arrangements of portable vagrants supported by contorted behaviors Forming a basis of normal, deranged, informal exchanges that remain engrained in the corner of my mortal container (Milky) - Spent too many of the minutes being bored with the brainwork A time when it was thought that a spark couldn't make flame bursts Accustomed to the temperatures sheltered at the freezing point An ice block as a ceiling cap Trapped until I saw the choice - And so I tossed a couple coins Voiced a couple wishes regarding losses and voids Joy is a tough thing to find with closed hearts Rejoin and pluck the strings to revive an old spark Time's a flowchart designed to slow arc Narratively inherent in the eyes of a lone shark Gliding for home Still declining to throw darts Hiding inside a cold, dark, private, enclosed part of an Earth bend Trying to decide if flight is a broke art And where the dirt ends and the side of the road starts Piles of cold hard facts and boneyards to show our devotion to the past we go far from but live through Numb the issue of postcard-ripped fingertips, split to scarred tissue Discard the misused parts within you that intrude on growth and focus in regards to given proof The art of living true is often neglected Get caught in false procession followed up with awkward confessions But as long as you're able to keep a solid, honest connection to what surrounds, you can harvest some of that offered perspective (Milky) - Never measured the only pull until pushed to a present state in which a statement gets the cold shoulder When the warmth will not be built without sticks To stand still Move sand Construct a castle with the water that's not there Life disappears far from behind horizons of dotted lines that are cut to connect what doesn't fit So it gets fabricated like lessons with no guilt Feet on the Earth Ego upon stilts - I used to spit with my tongue to the wind, singing let the wild rumpus begin Participating for the love of the sin, screaming let the vile rumpus begin There's no use trying to tell it to a young, dumb kid who wants to keep the wild rumpus jumping I wanted to cover up the trouble within, so I kept the vile rumpus thumping Got stuck feeling sunk in the binge until I brought the wild rumpus to an end Take it on the chin, expand the humble under my skin while I build up something to defend
7.
New blend to an old twist along a relative fray Loose ends tied to a home stitch that still extends this way Hesitate Settle back into the nesting place Benefaction and a selfless grace Unending thanks and praise and attempts to repay someday, some way Young, dumb, elevated age Try to negate the anguish slanged over decades The whole endgame seems like a joke So I'll hold those closest to me and keep some hope Before I go hit the old dusty trail, I must prevail this rusty nail in the heel Set straight dented past debts and mistakes Generate steps fashioned with the flames of an everyday-spent passion for the chase Renovate steadfast in-the-head space Demonstrate faith in a fate that's made through a regular basis of changes and lessons kept from in the flesh to the veins to the center of the brain Intending to stay, but with plans to escape First, mend the abrasions left from before when the path was first strayed Misdirection can give correction to detours You can never really be sure if you're on the right path or caught in sidetracks Just becoming the creature that exists on the inside, scraping Aging, changing Still chasing daydreams So selfish Overzealous Helpless childlike tendencies rest in a boyhood grasp Stretched to the point of a snap out of that funk 'cause here comes full collapse Intending to leave, but this pendulum speeds up and gives pressure to keep up with the tree-trunk-chop feet clunk reruns Clean cut means nothing when you're stuck in a landfill at a stand still Falling faster than an anvil Mannequin stance with some hand-in-the-slit ventriloquists' handles How to cancel connection to that and still survive in this plexus This and that repeated Cycles reflected And I'd like to find the exit Out the side door Let the chest arch Get a little fresh air for a fresh start Catch a breath and prepare for the next march into the darkness Set to reflect heart (Each step is the benchmark)
8.
A dense spark can animate and hand out fate So plans we make are subject to change in ways that we would never have anticipated or prepared to face The embrace of the give and take fits all shapes It builds up just to break and repeat again Roads stretch from sight Home left behind No exit signs to show which steps to climb A dense spark can exacerbate, aggravate and channel hate or the love that we chase, embrace, negate or choose not to participate in for sake of saving face The embrace of the give and take shifts its weight and lifts just as it has tossed away A dense spark can incinerate, extinguish flames, then spin the blades back around to beginning stages Be fulfilled or else eviscerated Decisions wait The embrace of the give and take digs the slate to carve what's been done in the empty space Dirt and leaves displayed Perfectly arranged Shades of peace and hope They will lead you home Post up Progress Prepare Proceed
9.
I used to look up to the sky and know what it means to rely on hope in where to find a home for invited souls of those who side with peace Now it's drones flown and chemical release Aluminum seed spread for keep in check purposes Beneath flesh, the sheep sleep deep in debt Surfacing Emerging from the take-a-number generated slumber Placing faith in grace and wonder Capable of saving one another Still we wait to discover if hate can be erased from the fates of our brothers Can they recover from the instilled madness? Skin peeled back trying to kill off the sadness We're just backwards Lost in the energy Gathering enemies Existing as the centerpiece Familiar destinies repenting and repeating A sea of cretins endlessly competing Feeding a sense of sweet relief to mask the sensory depletion Keeping a legion of believers bleeding needlessly for entities deceiving But maybe soon eventually receiving an awakened self Empathy and sympathy revealing Apathy receding, leaving peace to be dispersed throughout the scenery Believe, it can be easily reversed We need to be concerned with furthering our advancement to merge into the infinite 'Cause we are all of that which is Is there a chance that we could reach sight of it all? Help each other climb to the other side of the wall And in spite of the fall, feel risen Until then, invisible bars keep us in real prisons Concealed differences mirror the significance As fear and ignorance steer us to deep indifference Feeding on the innocence Keeping us belligerently militant Bewildered In fulfillment of our inner shifts We can be limitless, toes to fingertips A pin-prick-divisible molecular collision can make an incision to our existence Absorbing elements near it So we need to form intelligent spirits Educated in the way of enlightenment To finally find a means of awakening self and heighten it Escape from hell's vice grip 'Cause heaven is the realization that we are one with one another and with everything as energy Vibrant Shining as bright as the light of the sun over your eyelids And though third-eye-blinded, we can still open the soul and know total alignment I used to look up at the sky and know what happens when we die But now I hardly can see up into the troposphere It's hard to look for answers when you're waiting for the smog to clear I used to gaze up at the stars and pray to save this damaged heart But now I look at them and know they are inside of me What a sight to be divided evenly through light and peace I'd like to understand this all, but life don't pitch underhanded balls You gotta focus and swing when it feels right Devote to owning delight if you're hoping to free your mind's sight I hope to grow into my part My home is sewn into my heart So when it's time to leave I'll know it's been a vital piece of life as I have seen it and will see it till I find peace/completion
10.
Lost in the melody Finding harmony Head with the clouds, but the feet keep following The view from this paved purgatory is skewed I guess I'll take this side road aimed at the sunset

credits

released April 19, 2013

2013 Utopiugly Productions
All sounds made by Eric except where noted

Guitar on "Back Alley Contortion" & "Dusty Trail Distortion" by Steve Findley
Additional guitar on "Cement Forestation" & "Stick to the Side Roads" by Chris Murphy
Drums on "Black Cat Blues" by Steve Maule
Banjo, Guitar & Bass on "Chemtrailmix" by Sam "Gubblebum" Huyten
Trumpet on "Dusty Trail Distortion" by Keaton Huber

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Errol Hem East Moline, Illinois

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